Make your list.
Here are some of mine: when they don’t follow through; when they don’t communicate; when they say one thing and then do the opposite. Old boyfriends who seemed totally content with no ambition… SUPER ANNOYING.
Yikes! Didn’t expect to see such a negative blog from me, did you?
Bad news: What you despise in others is often what you most dislike about yourself.
Sigmund Freud noticed this ego defense mechanism and called it Projection. Carl Jung calls it the Shadow. In the simplest terms, you project the qualities you see in yourself as negative onto someone else. This is a comfortable way to express your disapproval of these parts of yourself without actually having to face that you too possess these qualities.
Good news: You can use this intel to work on either improving or accepting these things, which in turn helps you to break through creative blocks and be more productive.
Here’s an exercise that will get you thinking and moving forward.
1. Review your list. Think about how each of those things shows up in your life and how it connects back to you. How are you doing that same thing?
If you hate flaky people who don’t follow through: maybe you are setting writing dates with yourself but when it comes time to work, you procrastinate. You go on Facebook or watch a movie instead of showing up for yourself.
All my old boyfriends that *I* thought were not ambitious enough? They were showing me that sometime I focus so much on what I want to achieve in the future that I have trouble accepting where I am right now. How dare they be so happy right now in this present moment! ;)
2. Once you have translated your list, find ways to work on these things. Or accept that part of your process.
If you break your commitments to yourself to work on your projects, notice when you start to procrastinate. Decide to make a new choice, work on your project, and keep your word to yourself.
I hate it when people don’t communicate, and in myself this shows up as sometimes I don’t say what I really want to say to someone. Now, I accept that internal editor as part of my process. And I’m OK with the fact that when I have something important to say, it may take me a little bit of time to find the best way to express myself.
3. Review your list and think about how it connects back to your creative process.
How do these things show up in your usual creative habits? You have 2 choices: make a decision to do something different next time, or accept that this is how you do things. It’s your creative process and you are in control of how and when you create.
Comment below: did you find something in your shadow? Have you given yourself any homework or something new to try? How can you incorporate this and move forward toward finishing your next project?
Are you looking for more accountability and a clear plan to more forward?
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